Look I don’t mean to brag
But in the fourth grade, I won the perfect attendance award. (SWAG.)
That’s right, BE JEALOUS.
While you were out having fun, playing with dinosaur action figures and Barbie dolls
I went to every single class.
I learned about…
The WATER CYCLE!
Yeah. Evaporation, condensation, precipitation, bitch!
That’s what I’m talking about!
And sure I haven’t won any other awards since
But that award in elementary school really kicked ass.
Because if I’ve learned anything else it’s that if you’re not first you’re last
And I have to ask:
If you were first once and that’s now past
And you’ve amassed stacks upon stacks of useless plaques
From a fourth grade class
About how water turns into gas
Where the hell does that leave you?
See there’s a vast gap between the best and the worst
And hiding in between is something I’ve rehearsed
Over and over again
Until I was immersed in the art of being mediocre
In playing the joker
So people can’t see the real me.
So she can’t see the real me.
See I’ve become well acquainted with uncertain beginnings
But so far, I’ve never gotten to reach any happy endings
And it doesn’t matter how perfect your attendance is
If the class never finishes.
Never being tardy
Is not worth missing every wonderfully stupid dinosaur-Barbie-filled fourth grade party.
I’ve been learning about the water cycle for too many years now,
So let me show you how I evaporate.
It would start with a date
A second rate attempt at finding a worthwhile mate in a not-so-worthwhile world
That we mutually love to hate.
I tell her I’ll pick her up at eight, but I’m late.
Fourth grade awards be damned
I’m stuck at her gate
Thinking about our future
While the present slips through my aging fingers.
And the ghost of my fourth grade self lingers.
Reminding me that this date isn’t real.
That I only ever learned how to be on time: not how to express how I feel.
Cause the truth is, I missed my chance.
I was on time to class
But in the real world there’s no such thing as a hall pass
There’s no get out of jail free card to dealing with bullshit.
And I should have just done it.
I should have just asked her out in the first place.
But I never learned the rock cycle
So growing a pair of stones is not something I know how to do
And I’m telling you now: don’t be like me.
There is nothing admirable about sedimentary.
So do not resign yourself to evaporation.
Life is not about perfect attendance or expectation.
You are more than the sum of your fourth grade winnings
You are more than the demons pinning you to your sofa.
Know when to be tardy
Know that missing your chance
And being afraid to advance because you’re afraid you’ll soil your pants
Is a load of horseshit.
You are not Guildenstern and Rosencrantz.
Your play is not already written for you.
So pick up a rock and scrawl your name all over the wall
And next time you get a call about a Dinosaur-Barbie-fourth-grade ball.
And when you find your girl on the dance floor
Say “hey baby I’ll be your ken doll if you’ll be my lady-saur.”
And chances are she’ll say yes.
she’ll say yes.
Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye, Project VOICE, perform “an orgin story”, the story of how they began. Project V.O.I.C.E. (Vocal Outreach Into Creative Expression) is …
These guys are actually the best.
Baby, you must be an arsonist
Because the second you walked into the room
You set me on fire.
Lit me up like a wax candle
And now I’m melting all over the floor
Because the last girls I watched walk through that door before
and rip-offs of Mandy Moore
(who I adore)
but you, you are so much more.
They are whispers and you are a goddamn roar.
…At least, that’s how I imagine you being if you ever walked into a room that I was also present in.
My heart would pull a Grinch and grow exponentially, inch by inch
Potentially bursting for the way you stole my Christmas accidentally
That’s how it would be:
You: unintentionally turning every head
Me: especially interested in what it’d be like to wake up next to you in bed
Eyes red and dead because we stayed up talking all night
About something stupid I said
and how our lives would have been different if you had walked into another room instead.
…Which is incredibly likely seeing as neither of us have actually walked into the same room at the same time in the first place.
But girl, I promise that if you do happen to appear in my general vicinity
I will do my best to muster the courage to approach you with a vaguely casual but forward enough compliment about your dress
Because babe, I’ve already watched you walk away a hundred times
Me: a mess
And girl I must confess
You are not my first love at first sight but you are certainly the best
Because I never took any of those girls home to meet my parents
But I want to put you to that test
Because my Jewish mom and my lawyer dad won’t rest until I find a girl that can part the red seas
And if you can’t, then no girl can
‘Cause you are the bee’s knees.
Walk through that door.
Set me on fire.
Because lately I’ve been looking for a reason to get out of bed
And I’d rather be dead than believe in a reality where you meet another guy instead.
See I don’t need to see your face
Or know your name
To know that you’re the reason I came into this world.
And if I should die without meeting you, well that’d be a goddamn shame
Because I have a thing for
Arsonists with a sparking smile.
And you are the most beautiful girl that I’ve never seen.
I mean it:
Girl, you can steal my Christmas any day,
Because truthfully, I celebrate Hanukkah anyway.
And I don’t need eight days
The only gift I need
Is the day you come and stay.
I am a damn fool.